This is all I really want..

Useless

Se que nunca entro, y se que he tenido tantos blogs, y he cambiado tantas veces que la mitad de mis seguidores estan repartidos por como ocho blogs.

Escribo para decir que estoy cansada... tired tired tired of everything. And I'm hungry, I'm hungry but then I'm not. And I feel like I have nothing, I feel like I could just stay quiet for a long period of time and people wouldn't even notice. Not because they don't care, but because they wouldn't notice it. I don't know what... I wanted to feel alright. I wanna find Sophie. This is me, wrist. I don't know if you know me, or if you don't. This is my sad little story, the story I've been telling since I started to realize that life wasn't that easy, and I couldn't control my feeling anymore. And the sadness and the sorrow and the regrets, were so many I ended up feeling nothing, and I needed to feel something. I want to say this is over, I moved on. But now I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure at all... and I'm scared that I might be fooling myself.

1:30 (me gusta el nuevo blog)

No me mal interpreten. No me gusta lo que veo pero tampoco lo cambio, i'm an idiot because i know what i'm doing. Me miro y no me gusta. Y hay cosas que puedo cambiar y otras las puedo ignorar, pero siempre vamos a ver las fallas, nuestras propias fallar. Malditas fallas, me gustaría no tenerlas, para no tener que pensar en ellas y ocupar mi tiempo en eso, pero hey you can't expect not to, es inevitable. A algunos les importa a otros no, ¿a mi?... a mi no se. I don't know.......... i just don't know...

Solo se que amo esa película y la voy a amar por el resto de la eternidad.

I don't really care, do i? (01:24)

So i've decided to write like this, just because when i read it, it sounds like i'm saying it, just like it's on my mind when i thinking it. Maybe it's not right, and people usually looks down on me for not speaking my own languague, but that's just because they don't understand. Maybe it makes them angry, that i do understand and they don't. And it's like i'm making fun of them. I'm not, i'm really not. But they don't know that.

I was at a friend's house yesterday. We were eating and talking and it was fun, i was having a good time, i was very dizzy and i didn't say it to anyone, but i was having a good time anyway. Well that was until my friend's father started talking about gay people, "unnormal" people as he called them. I got mad, i looked at him and told him they weren't unnormal, but it was his house and i was getting really really mad about it, so i just shut up, i didn't say anything. My friend knew i was gonna react somehow, she never thought i was gonna stay quiet, but i just said that they weren't what he was saying they were. And then we change the subject.

So today we were eating, sweets and coffee. And everyone was talking and i was with my phone trying to get into tumblr because i felt like i didn't belong, and i can not not speak english, my friend knows me, but everyone else thinks i'm a freak or something because i speak english all the time. I tried to explain that it wasn't on purpuse it just comes out because i spend too many time on tumblr writting in English, i speak English at my house, with my sister, with my friends, i watch movies and series all in English and not all the time with subtitules. I don't know, i guess i really really like the language, and it's not like i don't LIKE to speak Spanish, i like it. But like i said, it sounds better this way, more... i don't know a good word for it, it sounds better, just... better.

Last night..

Cuanto llanto se puede derramar en una noche, en dos días, quiero saber si es el resfrió o por ahí me esta por venir, por ahí es la película triste que vi. Pensar que anoche apague todas las luces, puse el ventilador, rainymood, y me acosté. Estaba todo escuro y me daba miedo, imaginaba cosas idiotas, sombras al pie de la cama, hasta que me puse a llorar porque pensé que mi mama no esta orgullosa de mi, yo se que si se lo pregunto me va a decir que si, pero siento que esta orgullosa de ella por haber hecho una hija como yo. No le veo el encanto, no hablo de mi parte, solo que la conozco y se lo que piensa. Lo que pienso yo es que me doy pena a veces y eso de sentir pena por uno mismo, es patético, y eso me hace sentir aun mas patética, malditos círculos viciosos. Me deprimo porque no hago nada, entonces no puedo hacer nada porque estoy deprimida. Fucking vida. Oye, en fin... anoche me quise poner a llorar por esto y después estaba tan cansada que me di vuelta y no llore nada, me desperté un par de veces porque los sonidos se hacían mas fuertes, y no era así para nada, solo yo que me quedaba dormida y todo se nublaba. Hasta que llego mi hermana de su salida y creo que ahí fue cuando realmente me dormí, es que odio dormir sola y a la vez me gusta tener tiempo para mi, que zapato.

14:12

Siempre tengo visiones mías del futuro bastante prometedora, bueno... otras no tanto. Generalmente me veo no se, escribiendo un libro, dirigiendo una película, haciendo un cortometraje, pintando un cuadro, tocando el piano, escribiendo poemas para nadie y guardarlos, que nadie los vea nunca, que sea mio.

lksdjfklsdjflsdf fuck

17:08

Because the sky is blue

it makes me cry...